Wake-up Call

About a week ago I had a melt down. For some reason certain things had just built up inside me so much that I lost it. I had a 'pour my heart out' sob fest to my husband. Notice how I didn't say the word 'with' . Mike just listened as he does so well. My melt down reasons....

1. I didn't know if our hopes and dreams of owning a home would ever happen with Mike staying at the job he's at. Don't get me wrong, Mike makes great money and it takes care of us just perfectly right now. My concern was, if it meets our needs NOW, how will we ever be able to ever buy a home or have another baby? People may look at us now and say "oh be quiet, you have so much and you are able to do so many things" but it's that way because we live where we live (an apartment at an amazing rate), we only have one child, Mike works a full time job and we don't pay books and tuition for him, or me, to go to school. I was sad thinking we aren't going anywhere. People who have spouses in school may complain that they don't have much but just think of what you will have when they graduate and start their career. We won't have that.

2. I feel like Mike and I haven't REALLY lived on our own. I know we live by ourselves but I mean live a life of our own. I feel like we have not separated ourselves from where we grew up. Most people I know don't live by their parents, or where they grew up, and they go out into the world and start their own lives together as husband and wife. We are in the same ward I have been in for 8 years. Most people in the ward still call me Kylie Lott. I'm want to scream "I'm not Kylie Lott anymore!"

3. (The MAIN reason for my melt down. The first two were just fuel to the flame.) I've been reading friends blogs and their Facebook posts about a best friend they have and love so much and I realized that I don't have that. I don't have a best girlfriend. I have friends, but not that one friend that I tell everything or can call crying about something. I wish I did.

So my husband gets home at 1am from spending time with his friends and I sobbed my tear ducts dry until 4am while he listened. It wasn't at that moment, but throughout the week, there have been situations that slap me in the face practically screaming "DON'T YOU SEE HOW LUCKY YOU ARE?"

1. My husband makes more money than a lot of people in America. I am able to be a stay-at-home mom and not have to help provide for my family. That right there means more to me than anything or any house. We are able to do fun things like go on a cruise with my cousins in the spring. Instead of dwelling on things we won't have in the future I need to look at what we do have now and all the blessings we have been given.

2. What the heck was I thinking when I was sad about not starting our own lives together?!?! I love being so close to our family. I feel so lucky and blessed to be close to them and have them near by when we need them and will be extremely sad if they, or we, ever move away. I also love our ward. We have people who have known us for so long and love us. They are practically family.

3. I DO have a best friend. I'm married to him. No I don't have a BEST girlfriend but I have a few really, really close friends that are just as good as a BEST friend. In fact, I would consider them all to be my best friends.

I know people who have recently had husbands loose jobs, decide it's time to end their marriage, and women who are struggling with a pregnancy or a newborn with complications. These have been my wake-up calls and I know...

I AM BLESSED!

I love my husband and son more than anything. I love my Savior. I feel his love and am grateful for the blessings that having the gospel in my life brings me.