Not What I Had in Mind

Nobody will even see this post for another month or two but I have to write everything down so I don't forget. 

5/5/12

When Mike and I were trying to get pregnant with Preston, it took us about a year and 2 cycles of clomid. I know things could have been a lot worse for us but it certainly wasn't easy. We accepted the fact that it was difficult and so when we decided we would like to try for baby #2 we assumed it would take a while again. My IUD came out in July 2011 and so we decided to go ahead and start trying. We didn't try extremely hard because it wasn't important to us to get pregnant right away but if we miraculously did, we were ready. When December came around and we still weren't pregnant we decided that we would start fertility medication in January and we came to terms with the fact that I, like my mom, would need help getting pregnant. January 2012 I started my first round of clomid. Part of me thought maybe it would work because I've done the whole pregnancy thing before so maybe my body knew what to do now but then the other part of me thought since it was only the first cycle it wouldn't work. The second part of me was right. It didn't work. February was my 2nd cycle and I was sure it would work because the first cycle got my body on track plus I got pregnant with Preston on my second cycle. Nope. Round 2 failed. March was the 3rd cycle and I knew it would work. We had been trying for a while now and fasting and praying that this would happen for us. I had a lot of internal battles with myself thinking 'here I've been blessed with so much yet I'm pleading to Heavenly Father for one more blessing. Will he think I'm not happy with the things he's already given me?' but then I also thought 'we have been asked to bring children into this world so I know it's a righteous desire and what the Lord wants me to do'. The third round was again a failure. 

Because I have so many things going on (being a full time mom to a busy little boy, being a nanny, my photography business, being a wife, a chef, a housekeeper, and many other titles) and Mike also has a million and one things, we decided that it would be OK if we waited. The more we thought about taking a break from trying and focusing on other things, the more we liked the idea. I would be able to work longer and help us save up more money, Preston would be older by the time we DID have a second baby so it might be a little less stressful since they would be further apart and I could really focus on getting back in shape and maybe run that marathon in October that I've thought about running. More and more things seemed to sound so wonderful and would be able to happen if we waited. We decided that we would stop trying COMPLETELY, would start fertility medication again in the winter/spring and everything would be perfect.

Mike and I went on our cruise and IF I was taking fertility medication (which we decided I wasn't going to do) I would have had to take ovulation tests every morning that week and yet again be stressed about it so I will admit it was so nice to not think about it. We were really able to enjoy ourselves and actually relax and have fun. I knew what stopping the fertility medication would do to me. I knew I would go back to being irregular and go months without a period but of course I was OK with the fact I wouldn't have that annoying monthly visitor. When we got back from our cruise our allergies were sent into over drive and then resulted in colds that I still have to this day...almost 4 weeks later. Poor Preston has caught it, gotten over it and caught it again. Sickness has just been lingering in our home. Yesterday Preston was sooooo sick with a 103.6 temperature and refused to eat anything. I myself was feeling a little sick to my stomach and I was hoping and praying we weren't catching the flu. I took Preston to the doctor and turns out he has a virus in his throat and NOT the flu! Phew! 

I had joked around with Mike about it KNOWING that it wasn't possible but I just wanted to double check. I went to the store for groceries this morning and thought 'Eh, what the heck. I might as well' so i bought one. As I put the new toiletries away in the bathroom I thought 'I have to go anyways so I'll just do it'. 

SHOCKED. SURPRISED. NERVOUS. SAD. EXCITED. DISBELIEF. TEARS OF JOY.

Who knew you could feel so many emotions in 30 seconds just because of two lines.

As Mike did dishes, I stood in our doorway with my jaw dropped while holding my fortune teller. 

"I'm pregnant" I whispered.

"Are you serious?' Mike asked as he stopped the running water.

I cried. I cried happy tears, nervous tears, "I'm sorry we just bought a new car thinking I would be working and making tons of money for another year" tears, excited tears, "this wasn't what we planned" tears, thoughts of a sweet little baby tears, and "I can't believe we got pregnant on our own after 3 failed rounds of fertility medication" tears.

Mike and I are thrilled. The Lord really works in mysterious ways. Needless to say this was definitely a SURPRISE and un-planned pregnancy but ready or not....here baby #2 comes. (And I couldn't be happier)