So I haven't blogged in a long time and I need to explain. Not only to the rare few who MIGHT follow my blog but to myself, so that when I have this printed, I will remember this.
I have recently been going through a bit of postpartum depression. Not anything serious where I want to harm myself or my child but more where I've let everything build up and get to me. There were some family issues where I felt like I was losing relationships with different members of my family for many different reasons. I had many worries and questions as far as, finances, our future, how will we handle this, how are we able to do that...? A lot of the worries with finances isn't because we can't afford our home or anything else, it's because that's IT! I questioned if we could financially support 2 children without me working. What about when we need a new, bigger car to accomodate our growing family? How can we afford that? So part of my postpartum was the whole fact that I went from working a great job where I was succesfull and made good money to being a mom 24/7. Now, to preface, I've been baby hungry since I was 7. I've ALWAYS wanted children. I would have been happy to be pregnant the day after we got married, but we didn't obviously, because we needed to take care of other things first and spend time as a newly married couple. Anyways, I'm surprised at what a hard transition its been for me. To go from working and putting effort into something where I get something in return (a paycheck) to working as a mom and I get pooped on, spit up on, scratched, bit, a screaming inconsolable child, sleep deprivation, a more distant relationship with my husband, no more freedom to be spontaneous, and no money. Geez, I sure sound like I hate motherhood, but I don't. I vented to my mom who really helped me realize I wasn't a bad mom for feeling this way and vented to some friends. It always feels good to let stuff out. I LOVE being a mom. I have a baby of my own. I have a son and even though I don't make money working my current job, its the best job in the world. I get smiles, giggles, slobbery kisses, hugs, cuddle time, and the pure joy of being the one to raise and teach my baby. I am grateful for my job as a mom and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world!!!!
I'm out of my funk and I'm back!
5 comments:
yay you're back I LOVE IT!
I feel ya. This sounds all to familiar to me. Becoming a mother was a hard transition for me. Some days I wish for my old life back even though I wouldn't trade my baby girl for anything. Being a mom is hard and sometimes we don't get any thanks for it...but like you said we get smiles and giggles in return for working hard. Thanks for blogging about it...it's good to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this sometimes.
I think we've all been there and felt the same things. Glad you're feeling better and back to blogging!
Kylie, I completely understand this! I went through the same thing with both my boys. I'm glad you're feeling better! It's tough living in the motherhood role, but know that we are are all right there with ya, and you aren't the only one! :)
Thankful I'm not the only one:) I'm slowly getting better, thank goodness!
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